And just like that, it is January once again!
Happy New Year!
I know that the holiday season brings a sea of emotions and feelings, and my hope is that you were able to find a little bit of joy as we tucked away for a bit before reemerging to begin again.
As we transition into the first week of January, and many of us re-ground and think about starting ‘afresh,’ a couple of notes:
1. Some love the idea of a ‘New Year.’ Others, not so much.
2. Independent of where you stand on the issue, and although we place a 24 instead of 23, it is a CONTINUATION. IT is ALL HAPPENING NOW. It always has, and it always will. There is only NOW.
Something has been coming up for me recently, in both professional and personal settings, and it has to do with, overarchingly, being PRESENT in the NOW.
This fall threw A LOT at me. While coaching was an emotional roller coaster of highs with wins and lows when the team would not compete, both my parents were in the hospital ten days apart. The fragility of life, health. That shifted my world. One goes beyond contemplating their parents’ mortality and begins to ponder their own. My freedom of movement became limited. The fall and early winter became a lot of caretaking with cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and running errands. Throw teaching in on top of that. It was, and has been, a lot. I am overwhelmed and fearful about what life looks like without my parents. Am I alone in this? No way! Since embarking on this latest part of my journey, I have been able to develop deeper understandings and connections with friends and colleagues who are experiencing much the same. They are inspirational.
When I think back to our last post in late September, I think I had the intuition that things were going to shift and become more intense. I knew that I was walking into the darkness. Now, seemingly in the darkness, and noticing the light within the darkness.
Typically, I consider myself to be a positive, upbeat, joyful person. That has been tough right now. I find myself being ‘low.’ And this is where we arrive at the heart of the matter.
Everything that has been taking place has refocused me on the power and importance of NOW. So many things are out of my control, like my parents’ health. I do what I can, when I can. If I let unknowns and potentials take up my mental capacity, I will be all over the place. A close friend reminded me of the old adage of a light house. The fog comes in, but the light house remains shining, steady. I am finding, and re-finding, my footing as my own lighthouse.
The fog in this scenario has helped me circle back to the idea of individuation, something my partner felt into and shared with me as one potential cause of my current unrest. Individuation has to do with self-realization, “the discovery and experience of meaning and purpose in life” when finds who “one really is” (Schmidt). At some level, we all engage in the idea of individuation and many of y’all have done this 10x over. While I feel as though, especially recently, I have been coming into finding/being in my purpose, this latest phase is the most challenging. And that is why I think I am onto something that will signify a tremendous shift. It has been different for me returning from graduate school and beginning my career while also trying to explore new directions in which I seek to expand.
My work now centers on INDIVIDUATION and being PRESENT to be in JOY and my normal self. I’m still working through how I operate within this dialectic, and something tells me that I will be working on this for a while through the continued ups and downs. Individuation, for me, has to do with making sure that I affirm/re-affirm boundaries with myself and those around whether at home or in professional settings. It means separating myself from, well, most things, to see how they now feel and resonate with me to see how I re-engage them in my field. For me, individuation goes beyond self-care in that it takes place on a soul-ar level where, energetically, I am attempting to further create my own journey and engage in my dharma.
This feels CRUNCHY, y’all, let me tell you. It feels like a simultaneous birth and death [e.g.,
the sunrise or sunset in the photo!]. There is the discomfort and mourning of old ways of being and thinking, and the excitement of the new. I will say that the grooves of the old are DIFFICULT to move out of/away from. But, much like many of you, I am trying to do it and make it happen. And, being present and in the NOW, as well as aware of my feelings and emotions in a given moment, seems to help when thinking through how the water is flowing and what we need to do that is in our best interest.
So, we will see where the train of individuation travels, stops, delays, who hops on and off, and how much more deeply we can get into OUR HEART and BE.
Until soon,
With love and gratitude,
Venkat
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